the man in the mirror

on october 21, 2010, ninang fe was taken home by the Lord to His bosom. Dra. Fe P. Mesina MD, a prioress of the third order of carmelites, and so many titles i knew not and honestly, don't really think of. the lady others know is not someone i saw or talked to. to me, she is simply ninang fe. the famous booming voice that is capable of penetrating walls and souls shall no longer talk in this world.

i am more stone cold than most, though i still remain human, and the recent events from the losses of my friends' families, to sicknesses of friends and their families, and now to something more immediate and is beginning to tell. the melancholy astounds me and the grief, though hidden, wrenches my heart and my soul begins to writhe in pain.

i can feel the quiet pain of ninong eddie, mommy and auntie sol who are now the last 2 remaining siblings. mommy's wails still echoes in my mind, a grief stricken tone crying as they are now only 2 left. i'm amazed though, despite my life and how i've lived, i am surrounded by amazing people. most of my friends are fast and solid, their families still intact and none has separated. long term relationship is the standard and integrity and loyalty, qualities endeared and not quaint.

ninang's death has made all the positives in my life come out. i wonder if ninang's legacy will be passed on through her blood? her life is an example of true sainthood. the poor is welcomed without being discriminated, and i mean poor and unwashed, not those who are in institutions. i am curious how her legacy shall live on. more importantly, how i can do my part to carry on, even a marginal portion, of that legacy.

now that last sentence, i believe, is an act of true marvel. i've never been one to be actively working on being good, my basis of morality is quite simple, i do right because it is right. however i don't actively move to be someone righteous. i simply am doing what is convenient when it's time to be convenient. perhaps it's time to be more active.